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A Half Back's 
Interference 



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A Half-Back's Interference 



A Farce in One Act 



By 

M. N. BEEBE 

jiuthor of "-The Poets' Club;' ^^Tbe 
All- America Eleven^' etc. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 
1913 






^^c(P 



A Half-Back's Interference 



CHARACTERS 



Hiram Peppers, owner of Highland Farm. 

Bud Peppers, hh son. 

J. Wilson Puffer, a New York "Promoter.'' 

Jack Drew, a "Varsity'' half-back. 

Sam, his colored rubber. 

Mike Riley, ) , r. j 

OLE SWANSON. } /«"« ^««'^^- 

Pete, rt chore boy. 

Amos Searcher, a detective. 

Squire Ezra Stebbins, "Agin Football." 




Copyright, 191 2, by Walter: H. Baker & Co. 



g^CLD 31U96 



A Half-Back's Interference 



SCENE. — Unimportant^ but if used should be arranged to rep- 
resent ifiterior of Hiram Peppers' barn ; two empty barrels 
and floor space for ten characters covers all necessary re- 
quirements. No football formations are used, so a small 
stage can be utilized. Exits L. and R. 

Enter Bud Peppers. Seats himself on upturned pail, takes 
book from pocket and begins reading. Enter Pep. 

Pep. Wal, I'll be denied. Can't yer find nothin' to do 
around these here five hundred and eighty acres but waste yer 
time over one of those there yaller backs ? 

Bud. This isn't a yellow back, Dad, it's geometry. 

Pep. Gee-ometry, hey? That's a new one on me, as the 
feller says. "When I went to school, readin', ritin', and 'rith- 
metic was good enough fer most folks. These newfangled no- 
tions don't help none gettin' in the crops. 

Bud. Well, I'm not always going to be a farmer. 

Pep. Ain't, hey ? The old farm is too slow, I s'pose. 
When I was a young feller I'd been tickled ter death with half 
as much land as there is here, and ther fastest trottin' mare in 
the country ter take the gals out ridin' with. I s'pose that col- 
lege feller has got yer started on goin' off to school agin. 

Bud. I don't see why I can't go. You could afford to send 
me and never miss the money. 

Pep. I ain't goin' to hev no dudes in my family ; like as 
not you'd want a nigger to wait on yer, same as he has. 

Bud. That's nonsense, — Jack is a football man, and Sam 
goes along to rub him down. He's overtrained, that's all. 

Pep. Overtrained, eh? Wal, if he had to git up and milk 
a dozen caows every mornin' he wouldn't need no rubbin', and 
the nigger could keep in practice on the bosses. 

Bud. Jack is all right, and you bet he can play football, 
too. Wish I had the chance he's got. 

3 



4 A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 

Pep. Wal, ye ain't likely to have it, far as I'm consarned ; 
that young scalawag has been talkin' to yer ma, too, and she is 
nigh as sot on packin' yer off to school somewheres as you be 
on goin' ; wish he'd mind his own business, like Mr. Puffer 
does. 

Bud. I don't like Puffer, Dad — he's too smooth a talker. 

Pep. Wal, long as he pays his board, guess we needn't 
worry none. Say, Bud, ain't there some kind of 'oserphy, 
'ometry er 'ology that'll tell ye about that coal ridge daown in 
the back pasture ? 

Bud. IMineralogy tells about all kinds of formations. 

Pep. Wal, Bud, if ye're baound to keep prowlin' into book 
larnin', better look that up a leetle. 

Bud. I guess there's nothing there worth much. 

Pep. Mebbe not ; but you can't alius tell. Jest go over to 
the wood lot and figger up how many cords them fellers has 
cut ; yer won't need no book for that, I reckon. 

Bud. All right. Dad, guess I can find out for you. [^£xif. 

(Pep. seafs himself on pail ^ 

Pep. It does beat all ; here's Highland Farm, best in the 
country, and that boy don't take no more interest than if 'twas 
a sand heap; nothin' but a bookworm, but I'll make a farmer 
out of him yit, by cracky. Here comes that Puffer feller ; guess 
he's goin' to stay another week. {^Enter J. AVilson Puffer. 
Pep. rises atid shakes hands. ^ Glad to see ye back, Mr. 
Puffer. 

PuF. Yes, I needed a little more rest. You are taking 
things easy too, I see. So would I if I owned a farm like 
this. 

Pep. 'Tis a purty nice piece of land, I'll admit, but takin' 
things easy don't pay taxes or hire the help; slack season just 
now, crops all in and fall plowin' done ; there's plenty of work 
most of the time. 

PuF. Yes, I suppose there is a lot of work, but you could 
make a good living here and not do a stroke of work. 

Pep. I don't kalkerlate the taownship will hev to take care 
of me jest yit ; don't know of no other way to git a livin' for 
nothin! raound these parts. 

PuF. That is not the idea at all. I was referring to that 
ridge of land in your back pasture, which I am positive con- 
tains a vein of coal. I am more or less of an expert on coal 



A half-back's interference 5 

formations, and yours certainly has all the outward appearances 
of a rich tleposit. 

Pep. By gum, I alius said there was coal on tiuU 'ere 
ridge. 

PUF. Why not develop it, then ? Hasn't anybody ever 
tried to get hold of it before ? 

Pep. Wal, yes, but 'twa'n't for sale then no more than 'tis 
now. This farm has been in our family for five generations, 
and by heck it's goin' to stay as long as I kin pay the taxes. 

PuF. But you don't need to sell it; lease it, my dear man, 
lease it. I wanted to talk with you about this before, but you 
have always been busy. Now, if you will give me a ten days' 
option on the property, I can form a company and sell enough 
stock to start operations right away. You can keep a con- 
trolling interest of the stock and I will sell only as much as you 
wish to dispose of. I have organized a good many companies 
in the last few years, but I must admit that your property 
promises better than any I have seen for a long time. (^Hands 
card.') Here is my card; you see I have had considerable ex- 
perience ; now why not give me the option ? {Produces 
papers.') I have the proper papers here, so all you will have 
to do is just sign this thing over to me for a stated time, and 
then it will be up to me to produce results. 

Pep. See here, young man — I got through signin' papers 
witlaaout knowin' what I'm doin'. A feller come along one 
day sellin' lightnin' rods — smooth speakin' chap, nice and per- 
lite ; wal, he wanted to put a couple of rods on my barn fer an 
advertisement and said it wouldn't cost me nothin'. I was 
willin', but he said he'd have to have a receipt to show his boss 
where them rods went to, so I up and signed it for him, or 
leastwise I thought I did ; next week 'long comes a hull load 
of lightnin' rods for me, — had my signed order, and by gum 
I had to pay for the hull lot. When you go up ter the haouse 
jest ask Ma what happened to the next feller that tried to sell 
me lightnin' rods. 

PuF. The rascal certainly took an unfair advantage of your 
good nature. 

Pep. Jest so. 'Mother time a feller wanted to make me a 
present of the " Indexed History of the World " — said he was 
givin' a set free to one prominent resident in every community, 
jest to advertise his paper. The Farmers^ World, and if I'd 
take the books it wouldn't cost me a cent. "Jest write yer 
name and address," sez he, "so we'll know where to send 'em." 



6 A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 

Mr. Puffer, I been payiu' a dollar a month for the last three 
years fer that Farmers' World. Naow do ye suppose I'm 
goin' to sign that paper without knowin' what I'm doing? 

PuF. That is all right, Mr. Peppers ; take the option and 
look it over. If it is all right, sign it. I am in no hurry. 

Pep. Wal, it won't do no harm to look it over. : ; :' ;" 

{Takes paper, ^ 

PuF. Of course not — take it along. I am going for a 
short walk and will see you again about this matter. \Exit. 

Pep. Naow he seems like a straightforward feller — none of 
your shifty talkers abaout him. I allers thought there was coal 
in that ridge. I'll jest take this paper up to the haouse and 
look it over. \Exit ; drops Puf.'s card. 

Enter Jack Drew, in football suit, from r. Enter Bud, 
from L. 

Jack. Hello, Bud, working hard ? Didn't know you were 
around this afternoon. 

Bud. I was going over to the wood lot, but the men have 
got through and come home. What have you got those togs 
on for ? 

Jack. Just to limber up a little — a week out of practice is 
a long time for me. I'd like to be ripping up the scrubs* line 
right now. 

Bud. How much longer are you going to stay here ? 

Jack. Only a day or so. I was down pretty fine and the 
coach knew what he was doing when he sent me up here; 
there won't be any trouble getting back into the game, but I 
hate to miss any of the fun. 

Bud. You're lucky to have the chance to play at all. I'd 
like to have the show you've got" for getting an education — to 
say nothing of playing football. 

Jack. Well, why don't you go to college? This is one of 
the best farms in the country, so it can't be because you can't 
afford it. 

Bud. No, that's not it. Dad doesn't believe in higher 
education for farmers. I had all I could do to get a couple of 
years at the academy. That's where I learned what little I 
know about football. That little scrimmage we had yesterday 
with the men and Pete was the most fun I've had for a long 
time. 



A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 7 

Jack. You sized things up in great shape — wish we had 
you on our squad. 

Bud. I made good on the academy team ; that's why I 
stayed two years. Funny thing, but Dad is crazy over football 
and would drive ten miles to see a game ; besides, 1 used to line 
up the farm hands so he could play too, and the old man wasn't 
such a slouch either. I had all I could manage to block him 
and keep him from getting through. Of course it wasn't much 
of an imitation of real football, but there were always fifteen or 
twenty harvest hands around the place, so we had some pretty 
good scrimmages. 

Jack. It's queer your father don't send you to college; he 
seems broad-minded enough about most things. 

Bud. Well, he won't and it's not much use to try and 
make him change his mind, so mother and I have about 
given up. 

Jack. It's too bad, anyway. I've a notion to try and per- 
suade him to let you go back with me. 

Bud. Go ahead and try, but it won't do any good. Hello, 
what's this? [Picks up card and reads.) "J. Wilson Puffer, 
Mining Expert and Broker, Morton Building, New York City." 

Jack. Let me see that name a minute. Well, if that isn't 
old Windy's shingle, I'll eat it. 

Bud. He's the star boarder up to the house, but I guess 
you haven't met him ; he was away last week and just got 
back yesterday afternoon. Do you know anything about him ? 

Jack. Nothing good enough to speak of. I used to fag for 
him at boarding-school, 'til he got fired for working a flimflam 
game among the fellows. I was a little shaver then, so he 
wouldn't remember me now, but that's his name and he ought 
to be a full-fledged crook by this time, at the rate he was 
going — but excuse me — maybe he is a friend of yours. 

Bud. Not a bit of it — I don't like the fellow's looks, but he 
acts decent enough and Dad seems to have taken quite a shine 
to him. 

Jack. He generally has some scheme up his sleeve. I don't 
want to be personal, but there isn't any mortgage on the farm, 
is there ? 

Bud. Oh, no, there's nothing around here he can grab, 
unless it's Dad's coal mine. 

Jack. A coal mine ! Windy is strong on mining proposi- 
tions. How much of a vein have you got? 1 am specializing 
on mining myself. 



8 A half-back's interference 

Bud. Why, Dad thinks there is coal in that ridge down in 
the back pasture, but I don't believe it. 

Jack. Well, you can bet that is what Windy is after — all 
he wants is a chance to sell stock ; your father had better watch 
him pretty close. 

Bud. I'm glad you told me about him. Dad is looking 
over some papers up to the house now that he said belonged to 
Puffer. 

Jack. He wants to be careful about signing anything — 
J. Wilson is a pretty slick article. 

Bud. Guess I'll go up and see what those papers are. 
Much obliged for your tip. \^Exit. 

Jack. It's a shame to keep a fellow like that penned up on 
a farm. I'm. going to try and persuade his father to let him 
go back to college with me. (^Enter Pete, out of breath?) 
Hello, Pete, who are you chasing ? 

Pete. I just give dat spike coat-tailed guy de slip ; he's 
looking for me with gore in his lamps. 

Jack. What have you been doing to him ? 

Pete. Nothin' much. I was milkin' the brindle heifer dis 
mornin' and he wants me to put him wise to de trick of 
pumpin' de cream. I jest put de stool on de oder side and 
bossy done de rest. Puffer landed on a pile of corn stalks. I 
don't like dat guy. 

Jack. I don't either, Pete, if he is the gentleman I think 
he is ; but say, child, you've got a pretty up-to-date bunch of 
slang for a rube — where did you get it ? 

Pete. I ain't been in de rooral districts long. I got on me 
uppers tryin' to keep a-goin' by shinin' shoes down in de city, 
so I beats it for de country. 

Jack. Well, you found a good place all right. Thought 
you were a pretty wise one for a farmer's lad. 

Pete. Bet yer life. I'm over seven and I ain't run de 
streets for nothin' ; you got to get up wid de song birds to beat 
out Petey. 

Jack. Don't you find it pretty slow on the farm after city 
life? 

Pete. Not so bad wid a full dinner pail. I can kid de 
Mick and de Swede that works around de place, and now der's 
that nigger of yours to jolly along wid, too. 

Jack. Better be careful ; you will be starting a race war. 

Pete. De Swede would win out if I did. Wonder if Puffer 
will be around to milk bossy to-night. 



A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 9 

Jack. Look here, Pete, I wish you would keep your eye on 
that fellow. 

Pete. He's a nosey guy all right ; I'll keep me peepers 
open. 

Jack. I wish you would. Well, I'm going out to boot the 
pigskin a while. \^Exit. 

Pete. There ain't nothin' stuck up about that feller, if he 
is one of them college dudes. I'll bet that nigger has a soft 
snap. Wow, here comes Puffer and de boss, real nice and 
chummy like. Guess I'll hide somewheres and see what de 
game is. 

( Craivis into an empty barrel luhich he covers over luith a 
bag or blanket. ) 

Enter Puf. and Pep. talki?tg earnestly, Pep. holding legal- 
looking document. 

Puf. You see it is exactly as I represent, Mr, Peppers ? 
This is merely a ten days' option to lease that coal land, and 
at its expiration, if I am unable to carry out my agreement, the 
lease will be canceled. Now if you have signed the paper I 
will send instructions to my lawyer and get this started at 
once. 

Pep. Wal, I ain't signed yit, but it reads all right and 
there don't appear to be no chance of any one gettin' the best 
of me long as I hold most of the stock. Ain't that right, Mr. 
Puffer ? 

Puf. Exactly. Now the sooner we get things started the 
better for all concerned. This property will make you a rich 
man within a few months. Can you suggest any reason for 
further delay ? 

Pep. I kinder like to talk things over with Ma and Bud, 
but I kalkerlate this' 11 be a suri)rise for 'em. S'pose I might 
as well go up to the haouse and sign it. 

Puf. You needn't go to the house — I have a fountain pen 
here; just put the paper on this barrel. (Puf. takes paper 
from Pep., pulls out handkerchief from coat-tail pocket together 
with a similar-looking paper, blows nose and at same time ex- 
changes papers unnoticed by Pep. ; lays paper on empty barrel.) 
Just sign right here, Mr. Peppers. 

(Pep. signs.) 



10 A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 

Pep. There's my John Hancock to that, young man. 
Naow you hev got ten days to make a coal mine, by cracky. 

PuF. Just leave that to me, my dear man. 

Pep. I reckon it will come out all right. I've got to go up 
to the haouse anyway. Pll be back arter a while. [^JExi/. 

PuF. Congratulate yourself, Puffer, old man ; why, that is 
the slickest deal I've pulled off in a long time — talk about easy 
marks, why, it was dead easy. Those two papers were so near 
alike that the old hayseed bit right away, but I guess he will 
know the difference when he finds he has given me a ten years' 
lease of his farm, instead of a ten days' option on a worthless 
rock pile ; all the coal in that ridge I could carry in my hat, 
but the old duffer will have to come up with a big bunch of 
money before I cancel this lease and let him work his farm 
again. I have everything fixed my way, and he hasn't got a 
look in. Guess my coat-tail pocket is the safest place for this 
little bunco budget at present. (^Walks toivard exit ; Pete 
goes out at other exit unseen by PuF. PuF. returns to C. 
again.) I'll bet the old fossil will wiggle some when I show 
my hand and collect his greenbacks. I can fill in a witness all 
right. Here comes somebody now. 

Enter Bud and Jack. 

Bud. Hello, Mr. Puffer, I see you're back again ; this is 
Mr. Drew. I don't believe you have met before. 

PuF. (^shaking hands with Jack). Very glad to meet Mr. 
Drew, or anybody else with that letter on his chest. {Points 
to''R" on Jack's sweater.) It's a long time since I have been 
at old Rexford, but I'm still a loyal son. 

Jack. What year were you, Mr. Puffer? 

PuF. AVay back in the early nineties — got my degree in 
'93. I'm glad to meet a football man from the old college — 
that was my game in those days; best quarter-back in the state 
then, if I do say it myself. What are you doing here with a 
suit on ? 

Jack. I was down a little too fine in training, and the coach 
sent me up here to rest. I'll be back in the game Saturday, 
though. 

PuF. I often long to get into a scrimmage once more, but 
those things are past for a busy man like me. I simply had to 
take rest. Hope I'll see you again, Mr. Drew. 

Jack. 1 guess we'll meet again. [Exit PuF. 

Bud. What do you think of his nibbs? 



A HALF-BACKS INTERFERENCE II 

Jack. Same old Windy, and as big a bluff as ever; he 
never even saw the inside of Rcxford, and he never had sand 
enough to play marbles, let alone football ; he has still got the 
same old gift of gab, though, and you can bet he is up to some 
shady deal. 

Bud. I just missed Dad at the house, and mother said he 
and Puffer had been talking business. I don't like the looks 
of things. 

Jack. We will both keep our eyes open, and see if we can't 
get on to Puffer's game. 

Enter Pete. 

Pete. Say, Bud, de boss wants to see youse up to de house ; 
he's got some figgerin' for you to do. 

Bud. All right, Pete — see you later, Jack. \_Exit. 

Jack. Well, kid, anything new ? 

Pete. Bottle yer curiosity and listen to Pete, de boy de- 
tective. I've got one on dat spike coat-tailed guy dat would 
make Stealthy Steve look for anudder occupation. Yer see I 
spotted Puffer and de boss a-comin' down de path real chummy 
like and him a-doin' all de talkin' ; when dey hikes it for here 
little Petey just drops into dat barrel and listens wid me eye 
glued to a knot-hole. De boss has got a paper and Puffer 
wants him to sign it, but de boss is a little shy at first, so de 
guy lets loose his gab agin an' de boss gives in. Now, here's 
where me close obserwation act comes in. Puffer takes de 
paper to put on a barrel so de boss can sign it, but just den he 
pulls out his bandanner wid anudder paper along wid it — blows 
his horn wid de bandanner and shifts de two papers at de same 
time, so de old man didn't sign de one he thought he did. 
Ain't that a phony deal? 

Jack. That certainly does look suspicious. Are you sure 
Farmer Peppers only signed one paper ? 

Pete. Sure thing ; me eyesight ain't failin' none, er me 
hearin' either, an' I used 'em both dat time. But de rest was 
a cinch for Petey, fer de guy up an' gives de whole game away 
to hisself He tells hisself, and incerdently me, too, dat de 
boss has give him a lease on de farm fer ten years by signin' 
dat paper instid of de other one. 

Jack. That sounds plausible — he must have changed the 
papers. Well, Pete, I'm going out and do a little sleuth work 
myself. You have got along fine so far — ^just keep track of 
Puffer, and I'll see you later. 



12 A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 

(^Exit Jack one side. Enter Mike Riley and Ole Svvanson 
other side.) 

Mike. Shure an' Oi'd loike to have nothin' to do loike that 
football feller. 

Ole. Ay tank futball goot fun. Ay like to play what you 
call hold -back. 

Mike. Ah, g'wan, ye tow-headed Swede, it ain't a hold- 
back ye mane, it's a push-back. 

Ole. Ay tow-head all right, but Ay ain't red-head. Ay 
say it was hold-back already. 

Pete. What're youse two immigrants chewin' de rag about ? 
Neider one of youse kin tell a football from a pumpkin. 

Mike. Aw, chase yerself, ye little spalpeen ; Oi'll wring yer 
neck if yer give me anny sass. 

Pete. Take some one yer size, yer big mut; tackle de 
Swede dere — hey, Ole, I betcher youse can't put him on his 
Hibernian back. 

Ole. Ay don't know what back iss dot. Him bane no 
tackle, him bay guard. 

Pete. Aw, ye're gettin' yer dope mixed ; this ain't signal 
practice. I'll betcher de Swede kin put you on de floor, Mike. 

Mike. No yez don't, ye blatherskite; Oi ain't afther startin' 
no trubble — shore an' Nora v/ad lave me intoirely, if Oi came 
home wid me face all bunged up, and it's bunged up it'd be, 
fer there ain't no Swade in ther counthry could put me on me 
back till he'd spoilt me face and his own, too, begorry. 

Ole. Ay no fight neither, but Ay bane hard man to leek 
goot ; Ay tank it bay harder to leek me as you. 

(Points to Mike.) 

Mike. Bad luck to yez fer a braggart ; Oi kin trow ye me- 
self ; come on an' thry it. 

Ole. Ay don't mind if Ay do. 

(They clinch; enter Sam, 7vho passes behind them; Pete 
sticks out foot and trips Sam, who falls so that all of them 
fall in a heap. All get up.) 

Sam. What yo' fink yo' doin' ? Ah ain't no doah-mat. 
Mike. What do yez mjine by buttin' into this, annyvvay? 
Ole. Av tank Ay skoll heet somebody. 
Pete. Gee, this is great ; mix 'em up. Ebony. 



A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE I3 

Sam. Ah ain't lookin' foh trouble, but Ah ain't goin' to be 
sot on by no erdopted citizens of dis heah free country. Ah'U 
fix bofe ob you when Ah gets goin'. 

{Svjitigs arms and draws back to hit Mike. Enter Jack, 
who grabs Sam's arm.') 

Jack. Here, boys, what is all this rumpus about? Pete, 
I'll bet you started things going here. 

Pete. I'd 'a' had a foreign war here wid tree intrested rep- 
resentatives, if youse hadn't butted in an' spoilt it. 

Jack. Well, I'm glad to be the peacemaker. Sam, you 
rascal, I ought to let these fellows give you a licking. 

Ole. Ay tank Ay could bay able by myself. 

Mike. Shure an' yer don't think a bye frim the Imerild 
Isle wad let a naygur put it onto him, do yez ? 

Pete. Cheese it, now ; de coon's all right — it was me dat 
tripped him. Gee, I wish you hadn't butted in, Drewsy. 

Jack. I guess it's a good thing I happened along before 
these fellows got to punching each other. 

Pete. Guess Fll beat it before dey land on me. \^Exit. 

Ole. Ay tank Ay like to blay futball on team with you, 
Meester Drew. Could Ay get a yob? 

Jack. I'm afraid you'd be a little too rough for us, Ole; 
better stick to the farm. 

Mike. Shure, an' ye moight find him a job taching lang- 
widges ; he talks in boonches foine. Come on, ye tow-head, 
we've got to fix that fince. \_Exeunt Mike and Ole. 

Sam. Jest you wait till Ah cotch dat ornery, obstreperous 
Pete. Ah bet he don't think chile life on de farm is so nice 
when Ah gets through wif him. 

Jack. You leave Pete alone ; you've got to learn to look 

out for tricks once in a while. Here comes Farmer Peppers, 

and I want to have a talk with him. You can go out and learn 

how to fix a fence. \^Exit Sam. 

Enter Pep. 

Pep. Wal, young man, kinder behind times with them 
clothes, ain't ye? That looks like the rig Captain John Smith 
wore when he got spliced to Pokeyhontas, or Balboer when he 
faound the ocean. 

Jack. The style may be somewhat similar, but the material 
is different. I don't believe the duds those fellows wore would 
last very long in a football game. 



14 A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 

Pep. Reckon ye're right, bub ; I was jest joshin' ye a little. 
You fellers oughter wear armor plate when ye play that game. 

Jack. Oh, it isn't as rough as all that. 

Pep. It's a good game all the same, youngster. Wish I 
was young enough ter git inter it myself once in er while. That 
boy of mine was quite a clipper at it when he was in school. 

Jack. You ought to let him go to college and keep it up. 
He's got the right kind of stuff for a ripping good player. 

Pep. Wai, a boy can't play all the time, you know ; it's all 
right fer you city fellers whose Dads has got big bank rolls ter 
keep outer mischief that way, but Bud's old ernough naow ter 
be larnin' haovv ter run the farm. Schoolin' won't help him 
do that. 

Jack. I think you are wrong there; a few years of study 
would do him a lot of good, and he's too bright a boy to keep 
on a farm, anyway. 

Pep. VVal, I kalkerlate he'll hev ter stay, jest the same. 
The old place has made a good livin' for five generations of 
Peppers, and I reckon it's good enough fer Bud. 

Jack. You ought to send him to college first, though, and 
then he could come back and settle down afterward. 

Pep. No, siree. The old place would be too slow for him 
then, jest like Josh Watkins' boys. Josh sent the hull three of 
'em off ter college, and ther ain't one of 'em hes been back ter 
stay more than a week sence. Haow would ye like ter settle 
daown here fer good ? 

Jack. It would be a little slow for me, I'll admit. 

Pep. There ye hev the hull story. Naow don't go to fillin' 
my boy's head with any highfalutin notions. 

Jack. Let's talk about something else, then. You said you 
were fond of football. 

Pep. Yes, siree. I use ter go ter every game that Bud 
played in, and I tried ter git him to teach the men araound 
the place haow ter play, but they didn't do it the way you 
fellers do. 

Jack. It takes some time and a lot of practice to make 
team work. 

Pep. By cracky, I've got a good idee ; we'll jest git the 
boys tergether and have a leetle game while you're here to 
show 'em haow ter play. Bud kin help ye, too. Are ye 
willin' ? 

Jack. Why, yes ; Bud and I could show you a few things, 
I giiess. How many men can we get ? 



A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 1 5 

Pep. Wal, I guess we could scare up eight or ten raound 
here and we naight borry some from the neighbors ; I'll go and 
hunt 'em up naow. ^Extt. 

Jack. He's a queer old duffer, but he is very "sot in his 
ways," as they say around here. Bud and I will have a circus 
lining up that bunch of greenhorns and putting them through 
signal practice. 

Enter Pete, running. 

Pete. Hey, Drewsy, dere's a guy up ter de house dat I 
wants ter put youse wise to ; he's a gum-shoe sleuth fer fair. 

Jack. Sleuth ? What sort of a game are you up to now ? 

Pete. Honest, I ain't kiddin' yer. It's Amos Searcher, 
de detective from headquarters in Ward 9, down to de city. 
I know him 'cause he used to be de night cop what chased de 
kids off de street ; he's a-comin' down here lookin' fer de boss. 

Jack. He's gone out to get the farm hands together and 
any one else he can find. We are going to have a football 
scrimmage here. 

Pete. Gee, dat will be all to de merry ; I'll bet de Swede 
and de coon will mix it up den all right. I'm going out and 
help round 'em up. [^Exit. 

Jack. That youngster can take care of himself all right. 
Hello, here comes the tracing department now. 

Enter Amos Searcher. 

Sear. Good-afternoon, sir. Good -afternoon ; perhaps you 
will be good enough to tell me where I can find Mr. Peppers. 

Jack. Mr. Puffer is taking a walk around the farm some- 
where. 

Sear, (sharply). What's that ? I said Peppers, not Puffer. 

Jack. Oh, did you? Well, maybe you do want to see Mr. 
Peppers, but I guess you will have an interview with Puffer too 
before you are through. 

Sear. See here, young man, you seem to know a lot more 
about my business than I do myself. May I ask where you got 
such an intimate knowledge of my affairs ? 

Jack. There's no use getting hot under the collar ; I know 
you are a detective and I know Puffer. He is on this farm 
and so are you. It's easy enough to put two and two together. 

Sear. Well, you aren't such a slow one either; I like your 



i6 A half-back's interference 

looks, boy, and you don't like Puffer, I can see that. Will 
you help me out a little ? 

Jack. I guess there's work enough for both of us here. 
J. Wilson has been getting his fine hand in here with some sort 
of a bunco game on Farmer Peppers. 

Sear. Tiiat fine hand of his forged a little check for a thou- 
sand or two down in our ward last week ; that's why I'm here. 
I might as well let you in on the whole thing. What have you 
got against him ? 

Jack. Nothing personal, except the poundings he used to 
give me when I was his fag at boarding-school years ago. He 
don't even remember me now. 

Sear. Say, you don't belong on any farm, or those togs 
don't either. What are you doing here ? I used to play the 
game myself, but haven't handled the pigskin for ten years 
now. 

Jack. I was a little out of condition and the coach sent me 
up here for a rest. We're going to have a little scrimmage 
after a while. Can we count you in ? 

Sear. Sure thing ; guess I can limber up enough for that. 
Can't we get our friend Puffer into it too? 

Jack. That would be a good idea. He has got Peppers to 
sign a paper under pretense of its being an option on a piece of 
land, but he juggled the papers so that the old man signed a 
ten years' lease of his farm to Puffer instead. We must get 
that paper away from him. 

Sear. How did you find out about all this? 

Jack. Well, I guessed at part of it, but a smart little kid 
here saw and heard the whole transaction. Peppers thinks 
Puffer is all right, and 1 don't suppose we can make him think 
any different till we prove the facts to him. 

Sear. I will have to conceal my identity then. How can 
I account for being here ? 

Jack. I'll tell you. You can be one of the coaches from 
college come up to see how I am getting along. How is that ? 

Sear. That will work first rate. Now if we can get Puffer 
into our little game of football, we will make it interesting for 
him. 

Jack. I guess we can manage that all right. (^Goes to 
^oor.') Here's another newcomer, but he's a stranger to me. 
Not another of your profession in disguise, is he ? 

Sear. No, I guess not. He's too genuine a specimen of 
the rural citizen to be impersonating. 



A HALF-BACK. S INTERFERENCE 1 7 

Enter Squire Ezra Stebbins. 

Steb. Afternoon, strangers ', leastwise I s'pose ye're stran- 
gers. I know every man, woman and child in this here 
caounty and I hain't never laid eyes on ye afore. Stoppin' 
long, be you ? 

Jack. We are staying with Mr. Peppers for a few days. 

Steb. That so, dew tell. Where's Hi naow? Land of 
Goshen, young feller, what be them clothes ye got ? 

Jack. Why, this is my football suit. 

Steb. You ain't one of them football players what the 
paper tells abaout, be ye ? Better be keerful, young man ; I 
was reading in the Budget last night abaout a feller thet had 
both legs and his nose broke. I wouldn't let a boy of mine 
play football. I'm dead sot agin sech a game. 

Sear. Oh, it's not so dangerous if a man is in condition 
for it ; feel of this fellow — he is hard as nails. 

Steb. Mebbe so, mebbe so, but I'm agin football. 

Sear. Stay around a while, Mr. — er 

Steb. Stebbins, Ezra Stebbins, J. P., constable, tax assessor, 
and town clerk. 

Jack. Glad to know you, Mr. Stebbins — this is Mr. 
Searcher and my name is Drew. 

Steb. Glad to know ye both. What was ye a-sayin', Mr. 
— Looker. 

Sear. Searcher, Amos Searcher — I just remarked that if 
you would stay a while we will show you how football can be 
played in perfect safety. 

Steb. Wal, I'll stay around, but es I said afore, I'm agin 
football. I'll jest go aout and hunt Hi up naow. \^Exit. 

Sear. He is a native son, all right. 

Enter Bud, who stops on seeing Sear. 

Jack. Come over here. Bud. I want you to meet Mr. 
Searcher. This is Mr. Peppers, Jr., Mr. Searcher. {Shake 
hands. ^ I might as well let you in too. Bud — Mr. Searcher is 
a detective looking up our friend Puffer ! I've told him about 
the little con game that Windy worked on your father and we 
are going to try and catch him with the goods on. 

Bud. I've seen father and he said he gave Puffer an option 
for ten days on that piece of coal land and only signed one 
paper. 



i8 A half-back's interference 

Jack. Well, he thought he did, but Puffer changed the 
papers, so what your father did do was sign a lease of the farm 
to Puffer for ten years. 

Bud {excitedly). We — we must get it away from him. 
What can we do about it ? 

Jack. We have a plan that ought to work. Your father 
wants to have a little football scrimmage, and we will try and 
get Puffer into it. Then it will be an easy matter to search 
him. 

Sear. Yes, we'll have him sure, then. 

Bud. Well, we ought to get started pretty soon ; it's most 
chore time now. I'll go and hunt up father and the men. 
Wouldn't you like to come along and see the place, Mr. 
Searcher ? 

Sear. Why, yes, I would like to look around a little, but 
we won't have much time. \_Exeunt Bud and Sear. 

Enter Pete. 

Jack. Well, Sherlock Holmes, have you discovered any- 
thing new ? 

Pete. Nuttin' much ; Windy has been up on de hill lookin' 
over his papers. 

Jack. We must get hold of that paper by fair means or 
foul. 

Pete. He keeps it tucked away in his coat-tail. 

Jack. Well, keep your eye on that coat. 

Pete. I'll watch it closer dan de tailor he owes fer it. 

Jack. I think I will just run over and look at the formation 
of that ridge. Come on, Pete. \^Exeunt. 

■ Enter Pep. ^//-t'Steb., Steb. with roll of bandages atid bottle 
of liniment. 

Steb. Naow, Hi, don't ye do it. I tell ye it's dangerous. 
Them fellers will break yer bones, sure pop. I've known ye 
man and boy fer sixty years, Hi. Don't ye play with them — 
I'm agin football. 

Enter PuF. 

Pep. Guess I kin take keer of myself, Ezry. 

Steb. Wal, the bandages and linermint is ready, if yer 
need 'em, Hi ; I got yer wife to give 'em to me. Didn't see 
yer boarder afore, Hi. 



A malf-back's interference ig 

Pep. Jest in time, Mr. Puffer; we're goin' ter hev a leetle 
football game, and need ye to fill in. 

PuF. Pm afraid I'll have to be excused ; it's some time 
since I played football. 

Steb. It's a dangerous game, Mr. — Whiffer. Pm agin 
football. 

Enter Bud, Jack ajid^^AB.., Bud with football. 

Jack. Well, Mr. Puffer, we are almost ready for the fray. 
I want you to meet Mr. Searcher, one of our coaches at college. 
(Pep. and Sear, shake hands.') Guess you haven't met Mr. 
Puffer, either, Mr. Searcher. 

Sear. I am very glad to meet Mr. Puffer. {Shakes hands. ) 

Bud. Here's some more material. (^Enter Pete, Ole and 
Mike.) We might pick the positions before we go outside. 
This is your job, Jack. 

Jack, All right. Mr. Peppers and Searcher can play 
guards, Mike and Sam will do for tackles, and we'll put Mr. 
Stebbins in at left end. 

Steb. No, siree. I don't kalkerlate to be carried home to 
the old lady with my bones busted. Pm agin football. 

Bud. That's nonsense, Mr. Stebbins; you couldn't get hurt 
in a line up. There's no chance for an accident. Now, don't 
spoil the fun for the rest of us. 

Steb. Wal, Bud, Pve known ye sence ye was knee high to 
a grasshopper, and if ye say ye're sure there ain't no danger, 
Pm willin', but PU keep the linermint and bandages, by heck. 
Now, Hi, if I get hurt you send for Cousin Dave to come and 
run the farm. 

Pep. I guess we won't lay yer aout, Ezry. 

Jack. Pete, you are slated for quarter- back. Bud and ray- 
self will take the half-back positions, and we'll put Ole in at 
full-back. 

Ole {to Mike). What you tink now, you carrot-top? Ay 
toll you hold-back. 

Bud. That leaves the centre position for you, Mr. Puffer. 

PuF. No, thanks; I guess Pll be excused. 

Jack. But we need you to fill out ; we are short one end, 
anyway. An old Rexford player like you ought to be glad to 
get into the game any time. You should remember Searcher; 
wasn't he coach when you were playing quarter-back? 

PuF. No, I guess I was there before his time. 



20 A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 

Sear. Well, you haven't forgotten the old school training, 
anyway, I'll bet. Come on, old man, shed your coat, 

PuF. Well, I'll join you, but guess I'll keep my coat on. I 
take cold easily. 

Jack {giving ball to Puf,). Just pass a few to Pete, Mr. 
Puffer, before we go out. (Pete stands a short distance be- 
hind Puf., and receives the ball passed by Puf.) That was all 
right for a punt. Now, Pete, take the pass for one of the backs 
this time. (Pete stoops close behind Vvy., takes papers from 
PuF.'s coat-tail pocket, drops thetn on floor and receives ball 
from Puf. Jack picks tip papers instantly.) Here are some 
papers that somebody dropped. Guess they are yours, Mr. 
Peppers. One of them has your name on it. 

Puf. {straightening up). Those papers belong to me. One 
of them is the option you gave me, Mr. Peppers. 

Jack. This isn't an option, it's a lease. 

Bud. Let me look at it. {Reads paper.) Why, Dad, 
you've leased the farm for ten years, according to this. 

Pep. What's that? I didn't sign nothin' but an option on 
that coal ridge in the back pasture. 

Bud. Your name is signed to it. 

Pep. You look at this, Ezry ; you're up on legal pints. 

(Puf. shifts uneasily toward door, but is blocked by Jack 

a«^SEAR.) 

Steb. This here is a bony fide lease, only it ain't got no 
witness. 

Sear. I suppose you intended to forge the witness, the 
same as you did that little check down in Ward Nine, — hey, 
Puffer ? 

Puf. Sir, your insinuations are insulting and preposterous. 
Who are you to spread such malicious stories about me ? 

Sear. Oh, come now, Puffer, your little game is up — we 
caught you with the goods on this time. I have a warrant for 
your arrest. 

Steb. I'll serve it for ye, mister — I'm the constable raound 
these parts. 

Sear. I guess the two of us can manage him all right. I'm 
a deputy myself, but we will attend to the formalities later. 

Pep. I thought you were a football coach, Mr. Searcher. 
Haow's that ? 

Sear. That was only told to mislead you till we were sure 
of our man. I am a detective. 



A HALF-BACKS INTERFERENCE 21 

Ole. What ve stop for? Ay lak to play football some 
more. 

Jack. We have got more important business to tend to just 
now, so we will have to call this practice off. 

Sear. We'll just fix our man so he can't get away. Sorry 
I haven't got the nippers with me. 

Steb. These here bandages will do ; come on, boys, tie the 
feller up. 

PuF. I protest against this. You are a legal man, Mr. 
Stebbins ; haven't I any rights ? 

Sear. This warrant provides for any rights you've got. 
(Pulls out warrant.') So we won't argue any further. Lend 
me a hand, somebody. 

(Sear., Jack and Bud tie Puf.'s hands behind his back.) 

Mike. Faith and they're goin' ter pinch him, sure. 

Pete. Dere's some class to us detectives. 

Pep. Wal, Puffer, you're like all the rest of them smooth- 
talkin' chaps. I used ye square and ye done me dirt. 

PuF. You were too easy picking to let get by. 

Pep. Wal, ye didn't get away with my feathers arter all, by 
gum. 

Sam. Golly — dis heah sounds like a chicken raid. 

Jack. Well, Windy, I guess we are square now on all those 
punches you handed me when I was fagging for you at board- 
ing-school. 

PuF. So it's you I've got to thank for spoiling my scheme, 
is it? I hadn't recognized you before. If it hadn't been for 
your interference I would have pulled off my little game in good 
style. 

Jack. My interference — I'm a football man, you know. 
Puffer, and interference is my strong point. 

Pep. There ain't nobody else goin' to git even a look at 
that coal ridge. 

Jack. You needn't worry about that, Mr. Peppers — there 
is only a slight surface formation that resembles traces of coal 
somewhat, but it is absolutely worthless. There is a fine gravel 
bed underneath, though, that ought to be worth something. 

Pep. How did you find out, young man ? 

Jack. I'm studying mining and mineralogy at college, and 
I looked your ground over a little while ago. 

Pep. {scratching head). Wal, I guess eddication pays arter 



22 A HALF-BACK S INTERFERENCE 

all. Bud, you go up to the haouse and pack up yer duds so 
ye kin go back to the college with this chap. We'll hev one in 
the family that kin tell a bunco steerer, by cracky. 

Bud. Bully for you, Dad — you'll never be sorry you let 
me go. 

Jack. I'm glad you have finally come around to the right 
way of thinking, Mr. Peppers. 

Sear. I must get this fellow to the station. 

Bud. We had better get ready to go along with them, Jack. 

Pete. Dat college will have a crackerjack team dis year. 

Ole. Ay wish Ay could get a yob to play hold-back. 

Mike. Ye've got a job helpin' me hitch up jest now. Come 
on, ye Swade, and a couple more of yez. Shure and we'll give 
de crook a real live sind-off, begorry. 

{^Exeunt Mike, Ole, Pete. 

Jack. Sam, go and get my traps together ; we're going back 
to the boys to-night. 

Sam. Golly, Ah s'pose Ah'll have to rub bof ob you down 
now. \^ExU. 

Sear. It's time we were starting, Officer Stebbins. I will 
see you gentlemen later. Come along, Mr. Puffer. 

PuF. It's too bad I broke up your football practice. Peppers. 

(Sear, and Steb. each take Puf.'s arm.^ 

Steb. Don't ye let Bud git to playing football daown to 
college. Hi ; I'm agin football. 

[^jc^ww/ Sear., Steb., aiidVvY. 

Pep. Wal, Bud, ye've got yer chance at last. Naow jest 
follow this chap's interference that he tells erbaout, and yer dad 
will be satisfied. 

Jack. Don't worry over Bud, Mr. Peppers; he is bound to 
score for himself. 

Bud. We'll have to hurry to catch that train. Dad, you're 
a brick. Come on. Jack, let's rush him. 

(Bud and }a.cs. pick up Pep., and carry him off stage.) 



CURTAIN 



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The Cotswold Family The Jacobson Family 

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ACT I 

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